This topic threw me off a little as I kept going in circles while trying to figure out my exact opinion on this whole matter, so bear with me. Maybe Italians would disagree with me on this one, but from an American woman’s standpoint, chivalry is alive and well in Italy. But perhaps “chivalry” isn’t quite the right word. It’s simply that most men in Italy, respect women.
Italy is known for being romantic. Monica Larne, author of In Love in Italy, explains the feeling better than I ever could, “A very big part of what makes Italy so romantic is that fact that we – as foreigners – and the Italians themselves recognize it as romantic. It’s a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy in which we pay extra attention to the romance that the country offers: the fact that “Rome” spelled backwards is “amor;” the fact that this was the stomping ground of Saint Valentine and the fact that many of the icons of romance – from Sophia Loren to Ruldolf Valentino are Italian. Italy has sex appeal in spades: from fairytale castles to pristine beaches and three very macho and temperamental volcanoes.
The Italians seem to divide their living space with Cupid. Young women at bars are often served cappuccini with foam poured in a special way so that is looks like a heart and conversations about love rank high up there with food and soccer. And, of course, the link between food and love (symbols of freedom, abandonment and indulgence) is very strong in Italy. Italy has romancer in its DNA. Think back to the ancients when Eros and Aphrodite were literally role models for the people. Fast forward to the modern day and couples like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes and all the others who choose Italy as their romantic backdrop, are in a sense modern day Italian Cupids.” (http://bit.ly/1C72Inc)
From what I have seen, Italy tends to keep it’s gender roles in love pretty traditional. It’s a sweet alternative to see in contrast to courtship in America. In the United States dating has become virtual, distant, a business that requires strategy and often comes with ulterior motives. Romance is beginning to feel more and more mechanical and less natural. In part, I think that’s owed to how our own gender roles have been shifting in America. But where do you draw the line between those gender roles and can both the traditional courtship that exists in Italian culture cross over with the non-traditional gender roles of our society today? In a perfect world, yes. But, our world isn’t perfect.
I think a lot of courtship traditions and genuine politeness/respect comes from how people were raised. In Italy, it’s literally in their DNA. Italian men will always hold doors open for you, no matter if your hand was on the door first or not. Kissing on the cheek, hello and goodbye, is cultural. And while it may just be a way to greet someone, it’s a form of respect none-the-less. “When I’m in Italy and I experience those little chivalrous acts, those things that are done completely sincerely and without thinking, I notice them because they’re things we’ve trained men in our country out of doing.” (http://bit.ly/1yWLcRJ) I think that because our American culture has begun to stray away from traditional dating norms, it’s easy to appreciate the men who do still take the time and have the respect to do the small chivalrous acts no matter what their background is.
I feel like I’m more independent than most of the women I’ve met my age. However, with that independence, it’s always nice to still feel and be treated like a lady.
I hope to visit Italy soon, there certainly is something extraordinary in the air from what I hear from friends.
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